50 Ways To Please Your Mother
Lyrics by Cory Smith, music by Paul Simon (50 Ways To Leave Your Lover)
“Don’t make me turn this car around", she said to me
“Don’t make me turn this car around", she said to me
“Skedaddle away now, cause I can’t hear myself think”
“Skedaddle away now, cause I can’t hear myself think”
I don’t know why I always cause her such a stink
I don’t know why I always cause her such a stink
There must be fifty ways to please your mother
There must be fifty ways to please your mother
She says, "Please don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”
She says, "Please don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”
I remember once my mouth got washed with soap for saying, “poo”
I remember once my mouth got washed with soap for saying, “poo”
“One day you’ll thank me son”
“One day you’ll thank me son”
Does your mom say that one too?
Does your mom say that one too?
There must be fifty ways
There must be fifty ways
to please your mother
to please your mother
Fifty ways to please your mother
Fifty ways to please your mother
You just do all your work, Kirk
You just do all your work, Kirk
Clear off your plate, Nate
Clear off your plate, Nate
Eat all of your food, Jude
Eat all of your food, Jude
and don’t be so rude
and don’t be so rude
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Just clean up your mess, Jess
Just clean up your mess, Jess
stop dishing out stress
stop dishing out stress
Ooh, do all your work, Kirk
Ooh, do all your work, Kirk
Clear off your plate, Nate
Clear off your plate, Nate
Eat all of your food, Jude
Eat all of your food, Jude
and don’t be so rude
and don’t be so rude
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Just clean up your mess, Jess
Just clean up your mess, Jess
stop dishing out stress
stop dishing out stress
She said, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you?”
She said, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you?”
She uses that one all the time
She uses that one all the time
Your mom probably does too
Your mom probably does too
I said, "I appreciate that”
I said, "I appreciate that”
But quite sarcastically
But quite sarcastically
She told me, “Watch your tone”
She told me, “Watch your tone”
She said, "Why don't we both
She said, "Why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
Just sleep on it tonight
and I believe in the morning
and I believe in the morning
we’ll forget we had this fight”
we’ll forget we had this fight”
And then she kissed me
And then she kissed me
and I realized I need to treat her right
and I realized I need to treat her right
There must be fifty ways to please your mother
There must be fifty ways to please your mother
Fifty ways to please your mother
Fifty ways to please your mother
You just do all your work, Kirk
You just do all your work, Kirk
Clear off your plate, Nate
Clear off your plate, Nate
Eat all of your food, Jude
Eat all of your food, Jude
and don’t be so rude
and don’t be so rude
Oh, you must mow the lawn, Juan
Oh, you must mow the lawn, Juan
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Just clean up your mess, Jess
Just clean up your mess, Jess
stop dishing out stress
stop dishing out stress
Do all your work, Kirk
Do all your work, Kirk
Clear off your plate, Nate
Clear off your plate, Nate
Eat all of your food, Jude
Eat all of your food, Jude
and don’t be so rude
and don’t be so rude
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Please mow the lawn, Juan
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Keep brushing your teeth, Keith!
Just clean up your mess, Jess
Just clean up your mess, Jess
stop dishing out stress
stop dishing out stress